the juicy bits

Why does it feel like meditation is so much more rewarding when you have a challenging moment in your life?

I find that when all is going well, when my intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships are smooth sailing, meditation is more difficult. I itch. I squirm. I fidget.

But then tonight, after a fairly emotional disagreement, when my heart is thumping heavily in my chest, and my face feels tight; then I can really take refuge in the practice. It is when I need it most, when I want to say that thing that I want to say, to react to something that threatens my ego - and instead, I simply sit with it.

I don't want to toot my own horn for not reacting, I mean, even an internal reaction is a reaction and I had all the physiological markers of a man who had been hurt. But when it is difficult, when it the most challenging to be still, that is when I find it the most rewarding.

The thoughts and emotions come at me like that boat ride from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, that's when I get the most out of meditation. Not when I'm so comfortable that I'm struggling to stay awake.

It certainly would be nice to smooth out some of the ups and downs, to get more out of less juicy emotional states, but I guess that is why it is 'practice'.