Sorry I haven't written more. I've been working with the Dogs. I think I may have mentioned this already, but in case you forgot: Dogs are not Dogs. They are actually alien emissaries from Intergalactic Space Court who assume a Dog-like form while on Earth. They are used to having thumbs. They have been sent to Earth to quietly assess Humans and to determine the fate of Humanity.
Should humans exists? Right now, it's a toss-up. Heads we win, and continue to exist. Tails.... ? Well, let's just say if your Dog starts packing his bag, we've got some serious problems.
Our negotiations were going pretty well. They enjoy some things about Earth and humanity. Things like belly rubs, squirrels and Frisbees. So we would walk and talk - I would address the many concerns of the Space Court. I felt confident for humanity. But as we were getting ready to sign the agreement there was a twist: the Dogs said they were cutting off the talks.
I was shocked. We had made so much progress. What had happened? Apparently, there are some rumors flying about - I don't know what they are - but these rumors are about me. The rest of you can rest easy. That said, I am confident that when the truth comes out, which it always does, that we will see that the rumors were false. Whatever they are.
I know in my heart that I have always been Dog's Best Friend. That said, it is frustrating to see our progress halted based solely on rumors and gossip. Though to be fair, you shouldn't expect professionalism from a Dog.
I'll keep you posted. If you start to see Dogs congregate in large packs - more like swarms really - 20,000 - 30,000 Dogs. I think it is safe to say that the talks failed and that you should have shared more food with your pupper.